So I have been back in the states for exactly 2 weeks now. It has not been nearly as shocking as I expected it to be - things here are pretty much how I remember them. I find myself missing friends and loved ones in Tanzania, and things like the gorgeous moutainous background, the seemingly perfect weather (I'm not a fan of this 94 and humid thing), and the night skies filled with uncountable stars that when the moon was full gave off enough light to go outside without any kind of electric light.
There are things about home that are comforting as well. About two weeks before I left Tanzania I made a list of the things I really missed and was looking forward to about being home. There were three things I found the vast majority of my longings revolved around, which were (not necessarily in any particular order), 1. My apartment, and an overall feeling of having control of my life, my schedule and my personal space, 2. My parents house - being able to just drop by whenever I felt like it, and 3. Food. I think that the thing I craved the most often in Tanzania was food, many different kinds of food on many different days. I remember texting hom sometime in May (I think) to ask my mom if craving Strawberry Shortcake was strange. Perhaps whats stranger, is even with all those food cravings, two weeks after arriving home I haven't eaten the vast majority of the foods I found myself craving (including strawberry shortcake), and most often find myself tempted to cook myself dishes I commonly prepared or ate at home in Monduli - hardly a day goes by without me eating kachumbari!
Other than food, the things I missed about being home have been the things I have enjoyed most about being back. I was slightly overwhelmed, but really happy about all the relatives that I got to see (some by dumb luck) in the first week I was home, but the ability to just drop by my parents house for dinner has been priceless. And while I sit here in my apartment with my laptop drinking a cold glass of white wine, I feel really lucky to have a place to live that I love and feel 100% comfortable in.
The good news? Many of the things I missed while I was away are easily remedied. I told Imma when I left that when I come back to Tanzania, he will have to help me find an apartment. I think that I will be a much happier person when I have the ability to just chill out on the weekend in my own space, or if I want to, invite people over to it and throw dinner parties, or buy myself a bottle of wine for the refrigerator. I loved living with Rose and Billy and Dadi, and if I live in Tanzania again, I hope they continue to be parts of my lives, but I am ready to be on my own. The homestays were great, but I no longer feel the need for that aspect of cultural exchange and intimacy. In fact the relationships and friendships I have are more intimate because they are based on mutual friendship and respect, and not just because we live together.
So am I happy to be home? Yes. I am happy to be here, and while there are things that I'm sure I can attribute to "culture shock," I feel for the most part pretty well adjusted. Do I want to go back to Tanzania again? Absolutely. I hope it doesn't take me 41/2 years and getting laid-off from a job this time though. And for the record, when I DO go back to Tanzania, I hope that all of you come and visit me in my beautiful apartment. I promise there will be a bottle of wine in the fridge, and maybe, if you are really lucky, we'll find a way to get some strawberry shortcake too.
Until then, I officially suspend this blog. Thank you all for reading and staying with me all this time. I have pictures to share for those interested in looking, but its certainly not a requirement of friendship. Love to all! Like the baboon says in The Lion King, Asante Sana (squashed banana).
